It's not very big but she has big lips and I know from how he done Eileen what he'd want with her.Journal - Sept. 27 - I have to begin doing this every night or it's not going to work. I like it here. There's just Bonny and her daughter, Sue. Sue is not quite twelve but, if I hadn't seen that on the school register, I'd guess she was at least three years older. She's already bigger than I, up top, not that I'm big or anything, but she's still really large for her age. She looks at me a lot, as if she knows something that she wants to tell me. I wonder what it is? Maybe I'm just imagining things? Anyway, I don't have to listen to the sounds of sexual intercourse every night. Or worry that Mr. Taylor is going to get in bed with me and rape me. I honestly believe that she would have let him. Maybe even egged him on.Dear Diary - I sure miss Bill. And Jan. Ever since they showed me how fun it is to do things, I want to do them all the time. I wonder if teacher does? She says she don't. I kept calling the name "Tina" at the top of my voice. And every time I called it I said to myself: You got off lucky that time. You got off lucky. You can't ever do it again. You might not be so lucky next time. I really meant it. When I got home, apologising to the tearful Mrs Johnson that I couldn't help her anymore, I got that pebble and locked it away in my safe. I didn't want to see it again. I didn't want to use it to change again and most of all, I didn't want to risk getting stuck again. It was over. I told myself that again and again. But deep down I knew I was lying to myself. It was only just beginning. * * * To my credit, I kept away from the pebble for three days. For the first day I broke into a sweat whenever I thought about how close I had come to being stuck forever in that little body. I flashed back all the time, reliving the terror of being so tiny and out of control, feeling the emotions again as though they were still happening. During the second day I.
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